RRC Q&A Library

The Relationship Reality Check

⭐ Bonus Q&A Library

A structured library of answers to the most common questions that arise as you move through RRC.

Come back to these as you move through the modules - the questions you need answering often change as clarity grows.

Is this behaviour harmful - or just immature?

Immature behaviour is inconsistent but correctable.

Everyone gets things wrong sometimes. The difference is what happens next.

Harmful behaviour repeats.

If someone messes up, apologises clearly, learns, and changes their behaviour over time, that’s immaturity.

If someone denies, blames, minimises, or keeps doing the same thing after you’ve raised it - that’s a pattern.

Patterns matter more than apologies.

Why do I still miss someone who hurt me?

Because your body bonded to the intensity.

When someone gives you affection and then pulls it away, your brain releases stress and reward chemicals. That cycle is powerful.

Missing them doesn’t mean they were good for you.

It means your system got used to the highs and lows.

Attachment can exist even when the relationship wasn’t safe.

Being attached doesn't mean it's a relationship worth being in.

How do I rebuild trust in myself?

Start small.

Notice when something feels wrong - and don’t talk yourself out of it.

If you say you won’t text them, don’t.
If you say you’ll leave when they shout, leave.

Self-trust builds when your actions match your decisions.

It’s not a feeling. It’s a habit.

How do I know if I’m trauma-bonded?

Ask yourself:

Do I feel calm and secure with them - or anxious and relieved in cycles?

Do I feel steady - or addicted to the next “good moment”?

If you feel like you get withdrawal symptoms when they pull away, then intense relief when they return, that’s a bond built on instability.

Healthy attachment doesn’t feel like a craving.

How do I tell if the pace feels healthy?

Healthy pacing means taking your time.

You don’t rush into exclusivity, deep emotional sharing, or big future plans in the first few weeks.

You watch.

You notice:

Are they consistent?
Do they follow through?
Are they respectful when you say no?

If it feels fast and intense instead of steady and clear, slow it down.

Healthy relationships grow. They don’t surge.

Why did I ignore red flags I can see so clearly now?

Because at the time, you were trying to make sense of them.

Red flags rarely appear labelled. They show up as confusion.

You told yourself:
Maybe they’re stressed.
Maybe I misunderstood.
Maybe I’m overreacting.

You weren’t stupid.
You were trying to keep the relationship stable.

Clarity often comes quite a while after the confusion starts.

What’s the difference between chemistry and compatibility?

Chemistry is a strong reaction.

Compatibility is consistent behaviour.

Chemistry feels exciting quickly.
Compatibility shows up more slowly - through reliability, shared values, and mutual effort.

Chemistry pulls you in.
Compatibility holds you steady.

You need the second one more than the first.

Why does calm sometimes feel unfamiliar?

Because you may be used to intensity.

If your past relationships involved mixed signals, strong emotion, or unpredictability, your body learned to expect that level of activation.

When something is steady and consistent, it can feel unfamiliar at first.

Unfamiliar doesn’t mean wrong.

It often means different from what you’re used to.

How do I stop over-analysing everything?

Over-analysing usually happens when behaviour is unclear.

If someone is inconsistent, vague, or unpredictable, your brain works harder to fill in the gaps.

When behaviour is steady and straightforward, your mind quiets on its own.

You don’t need to force yourself to “stop thinking.”

You need clearer input.

What if I really was the problem?

Everyone contributes something to a relationship.

But there’s a difference between making mistakes and carrying the entire emotional weight.