The Conditioning Loopā„¢: Why You Kept Going Back
coercive control
conditioning loop
cycle of abuse
emotional abuse
hot and cold relationship
intermittent reinforcement
lenore walker
silent treatment
trauma bonding
walking on eggshells
why did i stay
why do i keep going back
Aug 31, 2026
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You're competent everywhere else. That's the part that never made sense.
You handle difficult people at work. Your friends come to you for advice, and it is good advice. You can spot when something isĀ wrong in someone else's relationship from about three sentences into the story. Then you went home...
Eve Howe-Robinson
Founder: The Healthy Relationship Company
With a decade in psychology and domestic abuse intervention, I blend evidence, empathy, and lived experience to help you heal, grow, and build something better?
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All Categories abuse awareness abuse recovery abusive relationships accountability accountability distortion anxiety after abuse anxious attachment apology without change attachment attachment and trauma attachment styles attachment theory attachment theory psychology attachment wounds avoidant attachment betrayal blindness betrayal trauma blame shifting boundaries can't stop thinking about my ex chemistry vs compatibility coercive control coercive control recovery coercive relationships cognitive dissonance cognitive distortions communication issues conditioning loop confidence confusion in relationships connection controlling behaviour covert control cycle of abuse darvo dating psychology denial in relationships disorganised attachment do they really mean it domestic abuse emotional abuse emotional abuse recovery emotional availability emotional intensity emotional patterns emotional recovery emotional regulation emotional unavailability emotional withdrawal emotionally abusive relationships emotionally harmful relationships emotionally unavailable partners entitlement entitlement schema entrapment evan stark externalisation gaslighting gaslighting explained healing after abuse healing after breakup healing after toxic relationships healthy communication in relationships healthy love healthy relationships high functioning women hot and cold relationship how attachment affects trust how did i not know intermittent reinforcement intimate partner abuse is it coercive control is it gaslighting it wasn't that bad jennifer freyd leaving an abusive relationship lenore walker loneliness love decoded love psychology manipulation in relationships minimisation minimization nervous system after abuse nervous system and relationships nervous system healing nervous system regulation nervous system response perpetrator psychology personal growth power dynamics power imbalance psychological abuse psychological healing psychology psychology of control rebuilding confidence red flags i missed relational patterns relationship abuse relationship advice psychology relationship clarity relationship dynamics relationship education relationship habits relationship insight relationship patterns relationship psychology relationship recovery relationships relationships and attachment responsibility shifting robin stern secure attachment self doubt self regulation self trust self-awareness self-belief self-doubt self-doubt after abuse self-esteem self-trust silent treatment substance misuse subtle abuse thought loops after breakup toxic communication toxic relationships toxic relationships and attachment trauma trauma and recovery trauma bonding trauma bonding after breakup trauma recovery trauma-informed healing trust your instincts unhealthy relationships walking on eggshells was it abuse why canā€™t i leave why did i stay why didn't i see it why do i doubt myself why do i keep going back why do i miss someone who hurt me why i attract the same type why people stay will they change